| Boundaries are imaginary lines that help you | | | | yourself up to the more challenging ones for you. |
| protect yourself both physically and emotionally. | | | | Let your communication and behavior get |
| They keep others actions and behaviors from | | | | stronger before you tackle the harder |
| hurting, distracting, annoying, or imposing on you. | | | | boundaries.o Tell people immediately when they |
| Boundaries are limits you set on how others can | | | | are doing something that violates one of your |
| treat you or behave around you. People treat you | | | | boundaries.o Simply tell them what they are doing |
| as you allow them to; however, you can actually | | | | that makes you feel angry, frustrated, violated, |
| teach others how to treat you based on how | | | | resentful, or uncomfortable. Communicate |
| strong or weak your boundaries are. | | | | gracefully and honestly.o Make a direct request |
| Having strong boundaries are important for | | | | that they stop the behaviors that offend or |
| protecting your body, mind, and spirit. Setting | | | | bother you. Be very specific about what you |
| boundaries can make an enormous impact on the | | | | want.o Follow-up to let them know how they are |
| quality of your life. It is a major step in taking | | | | doing at honoring your request.o Thank them for |
| control of your life and vital for taking | | | | making the change. |
| responsibility for your self and your life. It is the | | | | And, if they refuse to cooperate:o Warm them |
| one skill that you most need to develop in order | | | | of a possible consequence if they continue |
| to create the kind of life you really want. | | | | disregarding your request.o Demand that they |
| However, it's often the area where most people | | | | stop.o Just walk away without getting angry or |
| seem to have the most difficulties. | | | | fighting.o Or, if necessary follow through with the |
| Setting strong boundaries will help you stand up | | | | consequence you previously warned them about. |
| for yourself, stop agreeing to do things you really | | | | Boundary-setting is like any new skill-you'll need to |
| don't want to do, and start feeling less guilty | | | | learn the basics, create a plan for applying your |
| about putting your own needs first. It's a part of | | | | new skill, and then follow through with action and |
| the process of defining yourself and what is | | | | a support system. Over time and with practice, |
| acceptable to you. When you don't have | | | | setting boundaries will become easier. |
| boundaries set other people will step over the line | | | | Remember that setting boundaries is a way to |
| without even realizing where it is. | | | | fully honor and respect yourself. You can control |
| Boundary setting is not about getting other people | | | | your own response by delivering your request |
| to change (even though at first, it may seem | | | | gracefully to another person, but you cannot |
| that way). It's really about deciding what you will | | | | control their response or behavior to your |
| and won't tolerate any longer in your life, and then | | | | request. People who continuously refuse to |
| communicating this firmly and consistently | | | | respect and honor your boundaries are clearly not |
| whenever you need to. Boundaries are essential | | | | willing to change. The change you need to see |
| to becoming a healthy adult and balancing your | | | | may come from yourself. Be sure that you have |
| work and personal life effectively. They | | | | provided direct requests and communicated your |
| demonstrate your commitment to self-respect. | | | | boundaries consistently. If you have, and they still |
| The first step in establishing boundaries is | | | | refuse to honor your boundary, it's up to you to |
| self-awareness; you'll need to identify where you | | | | decide how you wish to proceed. In these |
| need more space, self-respect, energy, and/or | | | | (hopefully rare) cases, you may need to negotiate |
| personal power. Begin this process by recognizing | | | | further or end the relationship. |
| when you feel angry, frustrated, violated, or | | | | Practice: Complete the following statements: |
| resentful. In these cases, you've often had a | | | | People may no longer... |
| boundary "crossed". By becoming aware of | | | | I have a right to ask for... |
| situations that require you to have stronger limits, | | | | To protect my time and energy, it's okay to... |
| you can begin creating and communicating your | | | | Then, finish each sentence with at least 12 |
| new boundaries to others. | | | | examples (or more) of boundaries you can set to |
| Creating boundaries for your business and home | | | | honor yourself. Don't censor your thoughts. Keep |
| will help you honor yourself more. It's perfectly | | | | jotting down ideas over the course of the next |
| okay to request or demand respect from others | | | | week or so. Then, select the easiest ones and |
| and to honor yourself. Someone's tone of voice, | | | | start communicating and reinforcing your |
| negativity, criticism, derogatory language, or other | | | | boundaries. |
| form of disrespect, may prompt you to create a | | | | Suggested Resources |
| boundary in order to protect yourself and your | | | | 1. Boundaries: When To Say Yes, When To Say |
| goals from disruptive influences. | | | | No To Take Control Of Your Life by Henry Cloud |
| Give yourself permission to begin honoring | | | | and John Townsend (Zondervan Publishing House, |
| yourself and others in new ways. Boundaries are | | | | 2002) |
| an important way for you to respect the needs | | | | 2. Parents In Charge: Setting Healthy, Loving |
| of others, as well as your own. Ironically, when | | | | Boundaries For You And Your Child by Dane |
| you become aware of your own boundaries (and | | | | Chidekel (Simon & Schuster, 2002) |
| begin to respect them) you'll naturally begin to | | | | 3. Partnership Tools: Transforming The Way We |
| regard the boundaries of others, as well. | | | | Live Together by Alan Konell (Hippo Press, 2001). |
| Respecting other people's boundaries helps make | | | | 4. Succeeding As A Super Busy Parent: 75 |
| you a more attractive person to be around. | | | | Practical Tips For Balancing Life, Love, Kids, And |
| It's important to note that in establishing | | | | Career by Natalie R. Gahrmann (Infinity Publishing, |
| boundaries:o Your personal needs are valid. It is | | | | 2002) |
| not necessary for you to defend, debate or | | | | 5. Where To Draw The Line: How To Set Up |
| over-explain your request.o Enlist the support of a | | | | Healthy Boundaries Everyday by Anne Katherine |
| friend for before and after the boundary-setting | | | | (Simon & Schuster, 2000) |
| conversation, if necessary.o Begin setting | | | | 6. |
| boundaries with the easiest ones and build | | | | |